Oh the weight
in your face the calm steady
freight train blowing you along making your heart sink
and your chest leap if you look out the window
too long
It has really been too long. I did not intend to take such a long break from this space. But, as I have found in the past couple months intent does not bring forth more time.
My beloved camera, my Sony RX100 that I saved for months to acquire broke-down with an internal defect within days of me finishing the “seeing differently challenge“. I have felt lost and off kilter ever since. Yes, I have my eye on a new camera and I am saving slowly. And, no I don’t have a smart phone to fall back on, so it will take time to find my way back to where I feel most comfortable. I miss the lack of self-expression and knowing I can create what I see.
There is more, of course, my dad is very ill and so I am spending my free time working through my own grief and feelings as well as my families. I don’t have easy access to post as often when I am visiting my parents and honestly, it is more important to be present with them.
But, there is still so many beautiful sights calling to me, shining in the late low afternoon light, whispering their stories. I have my old camera, it has a decent scratch on the lens and very few ways to compose the image I see. It is all I have at the moment, so it will have to do.
So, I don’t have a real sense of when I will be back here in full force, but I will continue to share when I am able and look forward to hearing from each of you, my readers, and seeing your beautiful contributions and thoughts as well.
The Shady Tree 
These images are beautiful, even though they were taken with an older camera…I don’t notice any scratches on these shots. I believe it doesn’t matter what type of camera you use, it’s the photographer and not the camera that creates the picture. Sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. Sometimes getting out in nature with your camera is the best sort of therapy.
I have learned how to hide the scratch in shadows 🙂 It jumps out at me when I’m trying to photograph a grey beach day or light monotone background. It does make me self-conscious , especially to share here. But, at this moment I am embracing it and feel as you do. That need to get out into nature is so important for me. Thank you for your kind, thoughtful comment, Susan. It means a lot!
Oh Carrie…I’m so sorry to hear that your dad is ill. :-(. As for the camera….that’s a shame you are having problems with yours. I know how much you enjoy expressing yourself through images and words. Life is calling you…..until later, we will still be here. Take care and if I don’t see you before, i do hope your dad will be ok and that you are all able to have some Christmas cheer. Big hugs
Thank you for your sentiments, Laura. Life is calling! And, I know this space is important to my well being 🙂 So, I’ll just keep working through each day as I can as gently and deliberately as possible. Happy Holidays to you too! Hugs back at you as well!
When I read your poem, my friend, with ” the weight in your face” and the contrast of “making your heart sink and your chest leap,” I knew your world had been altered.I’m sorry about the illness of your father and the swirl of emotions you and your family must be feeling. I understand the uneasiness caused by your lack of the camera that has been a part of you and the creative drive that still calls out to you. We, your readers, miss you, but because you wrote so openly about your life in this post, we know that your energies must go elsewhere for as long as necessary, and we know you will return to us. My thoughts and love are with you, Carrie.
Your comment has touched me, Janet. Thank you. I must tell you, even though we have never met I know that you know me well and feel my sorrow and turmoil. Thank you for reminding me to give myself permission for the time away. I can’t be gone to long, my words won’t allow it 🙂 I feel the love and thoughts and appreciate the sincerity of them greatly.
Blessings Carrie, it must be so difficult. All the best of the season to you and your family. Take your time and keep listening to your own inner voice. These moments with family are precious even if painful. These images here are very lovely.
Oh Cybele, you are wonderful. Thank you for your kind thoughtful comment. My inner voice is my greatest ally in moments like this. And I quite agree the pain does not outweigh the necessity! Happiest holiday wishes to you and yours as well, thank you so much.
So very glad you can find a few moments to use a camera, even if it is not your Sony. Even if your opportunity for creativity is limited, those moments will bring you a measure of peace while you grieve your father’s illness. So sorry, Carrie.
Yes, I think I agree, Laurie. I am grabbing a few spare moments as best I can and creating through writing, song, drawing and even with the camera too. It is all necessary to feel deep enough in moments like this. I find the more I create the more open my heart, which is the key to finding joy in the darkest of feelings. Happy holidays and winter season greetings to you. Have a wonderful time celebrating as you most enjoy!