Remembering

I know it is true
that you are gone free, unburdened
by your mind clouding over your spirit, succumbed
to sitting and looking out the window at a view you don’t recognize
hopefully you don’t realize
your sense of humor vanished in a moment
just like your ability to remember simple things
it was clear your strong body didn’t know
how to be now, your mind so still
compared to everyday before
a laundry list of errands or roads to explore

You knew the way
to anywhere, where to find anything in Costco
and best of all you knew how
to make my Grandmother laugh
you didn’t get mad
when she beat you with a better card hand, your friendship
that was easily noticed when you were dancing
or exchanging glances it is clear
it was confusing to you both
to experience your mind letting you down
when you counted on it so solid so firmly sound

Now forgetful unmindful careless slack
distracted absent these are not words I would ever use
to describe the whole you
it is heartbreaking as I’m sure you must have felt too
but now that your life has passed on
now that you are free
from the deepened depths of this disease may you know
we remember you as you were
as we know you wanted to be
and may you rest
in eternal peace now happily remembering

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5 comments

  1. I can’t help shedding tears as I remember my own friends who were like this. The irony is that one sweet lady seemed to suddenly remember and know exactly what was going on as she bled to death from a perforation because of a stomach feeding tube. She said a few clear words to her daughter-in-law and then just sat there wide-eyed.

    1. It is a tortuous end, for those supporting and I have no doubt those living with Alzheimer’s as well. I am so sorry for your friends suffering. My Grandmother remarried after losing her first husband to lung/brain cancer. Her second husband just passed away from Alzhiemer’s last week. I have shed many tears for the both of them hoping to heal some of the darkness of these past four years. He remembered her through most of this experience, which I found remarkable and a testament to how much he enjoyed her. Sending you peace today.

  2. I like the way you captured the essence of a caring, wonderful man of many attributes with vivd details like knowing where to find anything in Costco, possessing a strong body, dancing with your grandmother. Then, with compassion and grace you also detailed the toll of his disease. This is a universal poem, Carrie, that many of us can relate to. Thank you for writing it so skillfully and lovingly.

    1. Oh Janet, yet again it is an honor to read your comment. I just so appreciate you taking the time to read my work and give me your feeling, experience after doing so. It just means so much. Yes, I did notice the universal nature woven within this poem. Losing someone to this tragic end is something I think we all fear and have experienced in one way or another. I am just back from his funeral. Such a formal ceremony. I’m very thankful for the ability to hug my grandmother many days in a row and to know she has found some peace after enduring 3 years of “the end”. Sending you a warm hug my friend.

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