Grief

Remembering

I know it is true
that you are gone free, unburdened
by your mind clouding over your spirit, succumbed
to sitting and looking out the window at a view you don’t recognize
hopefully you don’t realize
your sense of humor vanished in a moment
just like your ability to remember simple things
it was clear your strong body didn’t know
how to be now, your mind so still
compared to everyday before
a laundry list of errands or roads to explore

You knew the way
to anywhere, where to find anything in Costco
and best of all you knew how
to make my Grandmother laugh
you didn’t get mad
when she beat you with a better card hand, your friendship
that was easily noticed when you were dancing
or exchanging glances it is clear
it was confusing to you both
to experience your mind letting you down
when you counted on it so solid so firmly sound

Now forgetful unmindful careless slack
distracted absent these are not words I would ever use
to describe the whole you
it is heartbreaking as I’m sure you must have felt too
but now that your life has passed on
now that you are free
from the deepened depths of this disease may you know
we remember you as you were
as we know you wanted to be
and may you rest
in eternal peace now happily remembering

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There, there

Why are we so
afraid of what is underneath the anticipation
of a tear
or the welling up of feelings
long gone
There, there I say to all (more…)

A Visitor

Speechless the view filling me
from the tips of my hair to the tips of my toes solid
with so much presence clearly

Enjoying its own view the quiet
surrounding this place hushed stillness, so loud
every unnatural sound expressed like a put down to the wonder (more…)

Quiet. Wisdom. Rising- Night-Time Knowing

As promised, here is my first excerpt from my newly published book, Quiet. Wisdom. Rising. I captured this photograph this past week. My family went backpacking in the Trinity Alps for a few days. We camped at Little Boulder Lake, the second night the reflection of the sunset was extra special. (more…)

My First Book is now published!

I have such exciting news to share, I have worked with this collection of poems for almost a year and they have finally come together into my first book. My photographs are strung throughout the book as well giving the reader an opportunity to settle into the view before reading on.

I wrote all of these poems during the five month span that my father was struggling through his cancer journey and I was coming to grips with how to say goodbye. I must say that although the overall topic of this book is sad, there is a lot of tender love, joy and discovery within the book as well. It is a book that I am really proud to share. I am looking forward to opening the conversation around grief, fear and loss. I find the more I feel my way through those feelings, stay honest in where I am with them and allow myself to feel both sad and encouraged at the same time I can be there for myself and those who need me most in times of such sorrow and struggle.

Over the next many Friday’s I will share excerpts from my book. I have not shared most of the poems here before and I am really looking forward to doing so. Here is a link to preview the book and learn a little more about it.

Underneath

And with this breath the waters, finally
recede finally expose what is left of me finally
I can see the glimmering questions the silent fury
the open distractions the ever present
siege that erodes a person when they don’t believe
they are enough they are worth all their effort they are beautiful
even when scoured (more…)

WPC: Reflecting

Unlike the beginning and end
which are easily noticed and perfectly timed, the middle
of a mental, physical or emotional experience is rarely calculated
pinpointed measured-correctly embraced lined-up focused-on
no this is the point in the path
that is unplanned (more…)

Core Beauty

Inward she floats coiled
and sure she knows where she is going
it is worth the effort the anticipated darkness
worth the uncomfortable experience, she is gone
down into the depths of questions
enough times now to understand why, it is a necessity
to unfurl her beauty waiting
soon reaching beyond her core

** A gorgeous purple trillium, wildly growing in my friend’s redwood forest landscape. I hope you are getting an opportunity to enjoy the wildflower details around you.