How To Get There

An old thought, home
Lost
Almost nine years
Never stops
My mind, wild
I’ve tried to make it go away
I’ve acted
Cried
Played out scenarios

Photo By: Carrie

My hopes up
Visited
Vacationed
Slept under the endless Birch
Trees singing in perfect harmony
Sun drenched midnight sky
Just to keep it at bay
Knowing full well
I wasn’t ready to stay

How to get there
It continues to play
Over again and again
So I listen
I scour possibilities
My husband too
Was offered a job or two
Too much to give up
Didn’t jump

Photo By: Carrie

Tried to stuff it
Bound my mouth, intentionally
The less I listen
The more I stumble around
Acting drunk
Flustered
Unsure of everything, real
At this point tangled up, unwound
It is comical
Why can’t I just give up
Realize it is not
My reality
I am grateful for what is

Photo By: Carrie

I’ve been told
It’s not my fault
No one is fit
To live in Fairbanks, Alaska
But once you do
you are unfit
to live anywhere else
Like an invisible curse
laughing at my anguish
the words
“I’ve got to get out of here, head back to Alaska”
On repeat

Why am I running
My life is so good
The grass
Not greener there
Actually, it is frozen
Eight months of the year
I feel like Alice
The Mad Hatter’s tea party
In full swing
Only circles always circles

Photo By: Carrie

Never forward, not a step
I am older
Dark shadows forming
Smudging those bright
Eyes dancing
The Last Frontier
Held in place
So many ties
Is it time, finally
Let go, settle in
Give up the yearning
The Northern Lights beckoning
The huge everything
Mountains
Vastness
Plummeting temperatures
Plentiful adventures

Photo By: Carrie

And yet
I know
I can’t
Let go
Ah, there it is again