Time Out.

I asked for this. For this view, this neighborhood, at home sharing moments with my boys. On days like today, one son with croup, the other son off school and ready to take flight, I am so thankful for the view out my window.

The moment my husband walked in the door I walked out.

Alone.

Out into the trees, the sun’s light starting to fade, the quiet songs of the birds. I took many breaths.

And still, after walking for many minutes, I wasn’t settled, I was still shaking. I stopped moving forward, stopped methodically placing one foot in front of the other. Offered myself stillness.

The view in any direction is whimsical, beautiful. Making myself stay still is hard. When I am more than ready to move again I do, this time with a slower pace, listening for my breath.

It has been one of those days, stuck inside, boys bouncing off each other like polar opposite magnets, their volume turned up so high they think they are whispering but no, they are screaming and so am I.

I missed our ever consistent dinner time together. I needed to.

The neighborhood was not quiet and serene like I was hoping, it is that time of day where things are just unsettled I guess.

I did eventually feel calm, I could smile more easily, I wasn’t shaking inside and out, the sun had set, it was time to go back inside.

My time out was over.

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2 comments

  1. Wow loved this! I put my self in many a time out. I remember passing the torch to my husband putting on my headphones and just walking until I had found my centre again. Critical in maintaining some level of my sanity. It gets easier. Promise!

    1. Thank you. Time Outs are not really for the kids anyway, right? I am so thankful I have a husband who is willing to carry the torch without question.
      I don’t like the day to feel like a constant battle, getting outside into the fresh air always puts a damper on those feelings and all is right with the world again!

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