I asked for this. For this view, this neighborhood, at home sharing moments with my boys. On days like today, one son with croup, the other son off school and ready to take flight, I am so thankful for the view out my window.
The moment my husband walked in the door I walked out.
Out into the trees, the sun’s light starting to fade, the quiet songs of the birds. I took many breaths.
And still, after walking for many minutes, I wasn’t settled, I was still shaking. I stopped moving forward, stopped methodically placing one foot in front of the other. Offered myself stillness.
The view in any direction is whimsical, beautiful. Making myself stay still is hard. When I am more than ready to move again I do, this time with a slower pace, listening for my breath.
It has been one of those days, stuck inside, boys bouncing off each other like polar opposite magnets, their volume turned up so high they think they are whispering but no, they are screaming and so am I.
I missed our ever consistent dinner time together. I needed to.
The neighborhood was not quiet and serene like I was hoping, it is that time of day where things are just unsettled I guess.
I did eventually feel calm, I could smile more easily, I wasn’t shaking inside and out, the sun had set, it was time to go back inside.
My time out was over.